That Didn't Work

My wife Heidi and I have officially reached the half-way point in raising our two children, Calvin and Muriel. I’m tired. I suppose you could say our kids are “nearly” perfect, and the people who sailed on the Titanic could say it was “nearly” a great cruise. Because my kids aren’t perfect I have had to make up for it with some pretty terrific parenting techniques, and that is what this blog is all about. Fathering advice. You see, I have tried a lot of thing as a father, and most of them have failed miserably. So I thought I would write younger fathers some advice so they can avoid some of the mistakes I have made.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Putting the Kids to Bed

I believe that every child comes equipped with an innate desire to stay up late. I’m not sure when in my life going to bed became a desirable thing but I cannot convince my children of its merits. At eight p.m. the bed becomes the greatest adversary a young child has faced in his or her short life. Like getting a cat into a tub of water, they instinctively claw and grasp with all their might to avoid it. Children also come equipped with a highly developed defense system against going to bed. It is a six level defense system designed to create absolute chaos between a child‘s bed and their exhausted parent.
Level 1: Bargaining - This level includes “un-keep-able” promises and the word please repeated over and over again.
Level 2: Arguing - This level signals a transition from asking to telling. When a child realizes they are not actually in charge they begin planning a cue-de-at in their mind. Be warned at this point. A small crack can cause the whole dike to break.
Level 3: The Fit - This level may include stomping, crying, and copious amounts of self-pity.
Level 4: The Tantrum - This level is a transmutation of the fit and may involve slamming doors, screaming and a heavy dose of guilting.
Level 5: The Freak Out - This level may cause parents to begin questioning whether or not this is actually a human child they are dealing with. Also parents may begin blaming each other for defective gene pools.
Level 6: The Total Meltdown -  At this point all forms of reasonable thinking or rational behavior have been abandoned for a storm of utter emotional chaos. The best thing to do is keep your distance and pray that insanity is not contagious. The good news is that your child is almost in bed. The bad news is that you contemplating checking yourself into a loony bin for some peace and quiet.
The reality is that parents are constantly trying to get their children to do things that will help them in the long term, but most kids brains aren’t really built for long term thinking. We want them to have a great tomorrow and we know that a good night’s rest will get them there.
God has placed curfews (laws) on the human race. His law demands that we go to bed when we don’t want to. Sometimes we bargain with God. It sometimes leads to arguing. God cries out to us, “Trust Me! You will feel better in the morning if you just rest.” We move to level 3. God promises that he will give us something great tomorrow as we obey Him today. We move to level 6 and then after the total meltdown, our loving Father forgives us and tucks us into bed.
I think one of my greatest problems in life is that I am far more interested in staying awake right now, getting my way and doing what I want, than I am with the things that will be good for me in Glory.  I’m so thankful I have a patient Father.

Advice: Try not to let it get to Level 3.
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