Wrestling Before Bed...

I love to wrestle with my kids. Throwing them on the couch, tickling them, spinning them, and chasing them around. After about three minutes I get pretty wiped out because having children makes you gain weight and lose some of your youthful vigor. After a good wrestle I used to try and send my kids off to bed, but not before telling them I loved them and getting into this conversation. Here is my side of the conversation…

Okay kids, we are done wrestling, I love you but its time for bed.
Settle down, we are done wrestling and I need you in bed in five minutes
Daddy is serious we need to stop, and calm down.
Okay, calm down now.
Just settle down, we are getting ready for sleepy time.
Listen to daddy, its calm down time.
CALM DOWN!
Stop hitting me, I said we are done wrestling.
It’s not funny anymore, I know it was funny two minutes ago, but let me explain to you a concept called new circumstances.
Here is the new circumstance, daddy is done wrestling and wants you both in bed soon, so hitting on his butt is no longer funny, even if it makes you or your sister laugh.
Let go of your sister, and go brush your teeth, and stop jumping on the couch.
I needed you in bed three hours ago, so you have twelve more seconds to get in p.j.s and be on your bed or daddy is going to have an adult meltdown.
Did you use toothpaste? Go back and brush again or I won’t pay for Novocain the next time you are at the dentist.
Honey, I’ve told you twelve times now that we are done wrestling, if you give me a titty-twister again, I am going to take away TV for a month.
Please get your pajamas on.
No, I don’t know where that book is, read something else. Maybe you should have thought about that an hour ago, instead of continuing to try and give me a wedgie.
No you can’t sleep in your swim suit, go take it off and put on pajamas.
You were supposed to be in bed a half an hour ago, please let go of your brother, and go to bed.
No you can’t listen to anything, have a drink of water, watch Jay Leno, order pizza or get a Kleenex. Just go to bed and keep your door closed.
Fine you can go pee again, but I am going to be standing behind you and I better hear some tinkling or you in big trouble mister.
That’s what I thought.
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
No more talking.
Why are you off your bed.
No I did not call you, and if you get off your bed again there will be something to pay and it is not heaven.
Stop kicking the wall.
Stop whistling, or making any noise of any kind.
Please don’t call me again.
No.
No, and if you ask again, you are going to bed an hour early tomorrow.

Advice: Read to your children before bed.